perfectly imperfect.

"‘Yeah, your right I broke up with you. It doesn’t mean I didn’t care and it doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. I doesnt mean I never think about you and it doesn’t mean that I don’t wish ever fucking day that it could work. Truth is, something happened. It changed me. It made me scared of loving and being loved. It’s something I’m ashamed of because this is the second time it’s happened. So here’s the truth. I’m pregnant. Did I have sex willingly with a man? Of course not. Did I try to fight it, of course I did. In the end I had lost the battle not once but twice. So now you ask me why didn’t I tell you? Because as much as you think you understand, you never will. You will never know how it feels to be so taken control of. You will never know how it feels to fight with the thoughts of abortion although you know its simply not an option for you. You will never know how it feels to see that tiny heartbeat beating on that screen knowing that no matter what you have to decide that it is no ones falt. Its hard deciding knowing that you did all you could do and now you have to accept the things you cannot change. I’m sorry I didn’t always text you, I’m sorry I didn’t always call you. Just know that I never wanted this. I never wanted to push you away and I never wanted it to happen this way. I’m walking around with a puggy little belly and having people look at my like im some irresponsible slut. Its not who I am. I am more than what the world perceives of me. I am strong. I am beautiful, and I am now a mommy of two."